Understanding and Healing Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage can show up in many different ways. It might look like avoiding things that matter to you, pushing people away even when you crave connection, or staying so busy you rarely stop to ask what you need. Maybe you notice yourself repeating patterns that leave you feeling stuck, drained, or disconnected, and you’re not sure why.
It can feel confusing and frustrating when your actions don’t line up with your intentions. You might want to rest, take a risk, speak up, or make change– but something inside holds you back. Over time, this cycle can wear down your confidence and leave you wondering. These patterns often form for protective reasons. Your mind and body are trying to help you feel safe. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I keep doing this?” — you’re not alone. And nothing is wrong with you. At Your Journey Through, we understand that self-sabotage isn’t a flaw. Self-sabotage is often a protective response rooted in past pain. These patterns may have helped you survive difficult experiences, but now they’re keeping you from fully living.
What is Self-Sabotage?
One of the hardest parts of self-sabotage iss how personal it can feel. You might be thinking that you must not want something badly enough, you always ruin things for yourself, or something must be wrong with you. But here’s the thing: self-sabotage is never about you just being lazy, unmotivated, or incapable. It’s about your brain and body doing their best to protect you. This is often from things that no longer pose a real threat but still feel dangerous because of past experiences.
Example of a few self-sabotaging tendencies:
Procrastination: If you grew up in a home where mistakes led to punishment, perfectionism and procrastination may now coexist as ways to avoid making those mistakes.
Difficulty saying no: If you were praised only when you performed or helped others, rest and saying “no” might feel selfish.
Trouble with vulnerability: If vulnerability was met with rejection, you might sabotage closeness in relationships or opportunities to avoid rejection.
When self-sabotage is rooted in these lived experiences, it’s not a character flaw. It is a nervous system pattern, a learned strategy, and form of emotional armor. The shift begins when we can meet those patterns without blame. Healing is about understanding what those parts of you have been trying to protect and learning that it’s now safe to choose something different.
The Trauma Behind Self-Sabotage
For many, self-sabotage is rooted in trauma– especially relational trauma (like emotionally unavailable caregivers, neglect, abuse, or chronic invalidation. When your emotional needs consistently aren’t met, your nervous system adapts. It learns ways to keep you safe by:
Avoiding conflict or criticism
Staying small or invisible
Taking care of others to earn love or safety
Distrusting your own wants, needs, or inner signals.
These patterns may have “worked” for you in certain times in your life. They kept you emotionally or even physically safe. But now, you may have realized that those patterns have begun to backfire. What once protected you is now keeping you stuck.
Self-sabotage isn’t just a mental habit– it’s deeply tied to your nervous system. If your brain has learned to associate success, vulnerability, or rest with danger, then even the thought of those things can trigger anxiety or shutdown. This could look like trying to set a boundary activates panic or guilt, making progress on a goal might bring up fear of being seen, or slowing down might make you feel unsafe or unproductive. Your body remembers what it was like to be unheard, criticized, or overextended — and it tries to protect you by reenacting the same patterns. These responses aren’t random. They’re learned.
The good news is that what’s been learned can also be unlearned. Therapy– especially group therapy can help.
Why Group Therapy for Self-Sabotage?
It can be difficult to unlearn years of self-doubt, shame, and nervous system dysregulation. To go from these things– and then practice new ways of being in relationships with others.
That’s why we’re offering an 8-week virtual therapy group for adults who want to explore the roots of self-sabotage and begin creating change from the inside out. Led by therapist Grace Bailey, LCMHCA, this group offers a safe, supportive space to reconnect with your nervous system, deepen self-trust, and begin shifting patterns — with others who are walking a similar path as you.
Our Self-Sabotage Therapy Group focuses on healing in connection with others. This group offers a safe, validating space to:
Understand the unique ways trauma has shaped your self-sabotaging patterns
Reconnect with your body and nervous system responses
Build emotional awareness and self-compassion
Learn body-based regulation tools
Receive support from others on a similar healing journey
In the Self-Sabotage Group you will learn…
… how to show up for yourself with curiosity, and not criticism. This 8-week program isn’t about forcing yourself to “be more productive” or finally “get it together”. It’s about healing from the inside out. Each week, you’ll be guided through gentle education, group sharing, and experiential tools designed to help you:
✔ Identify and shift self-sabotaging patterns
✔ Understand your nervous system responses
✔ Learn somatic regulation skills (like grounding, breath work, and body awareness)
✔ Deepen emotional resilience and self-trust
✔ Build internal and external support systems
✔ Integrate real, sustainable change
You don’t need to come with the “right answers”. You just need to be open to exploring your patterns with honesty and self-compassion.
About Therapist Grace Bailey, LCMHCA
Grace Bailey is a licensed clinical mental health counselor associate who is committed to meeting people with warmth, empathy, and acceptance while holding you accountable to become the best version of yourself. She strives to hear your story and validate your lived experiences. Grace understands that you are the expert of your life, and is here to serve as a guide to your exploration, growth, and self-acceptance. She is honored to be a part of this process with you!
Joining Our Self-Sabotage Group
This group is designed for adults of all genders and backgrounds who feel stuck in self-sabotaging patterns and want to begin shifting them in a supportive space. You may especially benefit if:
You identify with being a “people-pleaser,” perfectionist, or chronic procrastinator
You find it hard to trust yourself or your own needs
You tend to shut down or numb out when emotions feel too big
You’re tired of repeating patterns that leave you burnt out, disconnected, or unfulfilled
You’ve done individual therapy and are curious about healing in community
Whether you're new to therapy or have been on a healing path for years, this group can be a powerful next step.
When is it?
Dates: 8-Week Program | Begins August 6th
Time: Wednesdays from 5:00–6:15 PM
Location: Virtual (join from anywhere in North Carolina)
Cost: $75/session or $550 if paid in full (save $50!)
Facilitator: Grace Bailey, LCMHCA
Spots are limited to keep the group small, safe, and supportive. If you're feeling the pull to finally understand why you keep getting in your own way, and to start showing up for yourself with more care and clarity — this group is for you. Ready to join? Reach out today or sign up here to join the Self-Sabotage Group for Adults. We’d be honored to walk with you on this next step in your healing journey.
Self-Sabotage Healing in Raleigh, NC
It is easy to feel ashamed about self-sabotage. But behind the procrastination, burnout, or people pleasing is a nervous system that has been trying to keep you safe for a long time. You don’t have to fight internally anymore. Healing starts with understanding, self compassion, and community. Wwe hope you will join us in this 8-week group to explore the roots of self-sabotage, reconnect with yourself and the wisdom you have, and begin to build the kind of life you actually want. A life where you are no longer in your own way, but finally on your own side.
