Guest Blog by Leeor Gal, LMFT: How to Breathe, Regulate, and Respond With Intention
My name is Leeor Gal and I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist. At my therapy practice in Philadelphia, I often see how challenging it is for people to feel heard. Sometimes it feels like we have to yell at the top of our lungs just to be seen. It doesn’t have to be that way. Working on the way you respond vs. react can make a huge shift in the way people respond to you.
We’ve all been there. A comment hits a nerve. A tone feels sharp. Suddenly, defensiveness rises like a tidal wave, and before we know it, words fly out that we don’t really mean, or at least not in that way.
In moments like these, pausing to take a deep breath can be the difference between connection and conflict.
My goal is to help you explore how to regulate your emotions, take mindful breaks before reacting, and communicate in ways that align with your values and increase the likelihood of being truly heard.
1. The Science of the Pause: Why Deep Breaths Matter
When you’re triggered, your brain activates its threat system- cue cortisol, adrenaline, and a hyper-focused attention on the “danger” (a comment, look, or behavior).
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping your body shift from fight-or-flight to calm-and-clear. Even just one slow breath sends the signal: You’re safe. You can choose how to respond.
Try this:
Inhale slowly for 4 counts
Hold for 4
Exhale slowly for 6
Repeat 2–3 times before speaking
This practice isn’t about suppressing your feelings, it’s about creating space to feel and choose what you do with those feelings.
2. Taking a Break Isn’t Avoidance- It’s Emotional Regulation
We often think we need to react immediately. But the urgency and anxiety can create a trap.
If you feel a surge of anger, hurt, or defensiveness, it’s okay to say: “I want to respond thoughtfully. Can I take a few minutes and come back to this?”
Stepping away allows you to:
Process what you’re actually feeling
Separate the current moment from past wounds
Clarify what matters most in your response
Tip: Use movement (a walk, stretch, or gentle shakeout) to discharge activated energy before returning to the conversation.
3. Naming the Feeling Without Blame
When you're ready to speak, the goal is to express what's real for you without attacking the other person. This invites empathy rather than defensiveness.
Use I-statements and curiosity, like:
“I noticed I felt really shut down after that comment. Can we talk about how it affected me?”
“I’m feeling a little activated and I want to check in, are we okay?”
What’s happening here:
You take responsibility for your emotional experience.
You invite connection instead of control.
You stay aligned with your values, even in tough moments.
4. When You Feel Mean or Misaligned: Repair is Powerful
If you've already reacted in a way you regret, it’s not too late. In fact, repair strengthens relationships when done with honesty and humility.
Try: “I realize I was speaking from a defensive place earlier. I’m sorry I’d like to try that again from a calmer headspace.”
This models accountability and shows others it’s okay to be human, make mistakes, and still move forward with care.
5. Trauma, Triggers, and EMDR
Sometimes our emotional reactions feel bigger than the moment. That’s often because they are. When we feel disproportionately triggered, like we’re suddenly 8 years old again, desperate to be understood, it may be our nervous system remembering a past hurt.
Trauma doesn’t always look like a big, obvious event. Sometimes it’s the accumulation of small moments where our needs weren’t met or emotions weren’t welcomed. Over time, these experiences wire our brain to react protectively- even when the threat is no longer real.
That’s where EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) comes in.
EMDR is a powerful, evidence-based therapy that helps people process and heal from trauma and distressing life experiences. By using bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements or tapping), EMDR helps the brain reprocess painful memories so they no longer hijack your present moment.
How EMDR Can Help With Emotion Regulation:
It targets the root of emotional reactivity, not just the symptoms.
It helps your brain integrate painful experiences in a way that reduces their emotional charge.
It supports nervous system regulation, making it easier to stay grounded in triggering moments.
If you’ve ever felt like your reactions are too “big” or confusing, there’s probably a reason. EMDR can help you get to the bottom of it, and bring more clarity, calm, and choice to your life.
Final Thoughts: Responding Is Different From Reacting
At the heart of all of this is one truth: You are allowed to take a breath before responding.
You don’t owe anyone your instant reaction, especially when it comes from a place of hurt or disconnection. Slowing down, regulating your nervous system, and speaking from your values can turn potential conflict into deeper understanding.
Next time you feel the heat rising, remember- you deserve space first.
Looking For Support?
If you’re interested in working with a therapist in Philadelphia or therapist in South Jersey, especially someone trained in EMDR, Anxiety and trauma-informed care, reach out for a free consultation. We’d love to help you move from reaction to intention, from survival to connection.
