How To Talk To Your Partner About Starting Therapy
You have decided to start therapy. Or, maybe you are thinking seriously about it, and now you are wondering, “How do I bring this up with my partner?”
Whether you are feeling nervous, vulnerable, or unsure of how they’ll react, it’s completely normal to have questions about what to say and how much to share. Maybe you are afraid they’ll think something is “wrong” with you, or with your relationship and take it personally. But, the truth is that telling your partner you are starting therapy is a brave and meaningful step. A step not just for you, but for your relationship. In this blog, we will explore how to take away some of the stigma or shame you may be carrying with bringing therapy up to your partner. We will also walk through how to have that conversation in a way that is grounded in honesty, compassion, and self-respect. Whether your relationship is solid or struggling, this can be a turning point for you and possibly your relationship.
Talking About Therapy Is Vulnerable to Share
Starting therapy is a deeply personal decision. Even when you feel confident it is the right move, telling your partner might bring up anxiety:
What will they think of me?
Will they assume I’m unhappy in the relationship?
Will they try to talk me out of it?
These questions are real and they reflect how much you care about your connection. But they also hint at the stigma so many of us still carry around mental health. The truth? Starting therapy doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re self-aware. It means you’re prioritizing your emotional wellbeing and that’s something to be proud of. Being open about it with your partner can strengthen trust, reduce secrecy, and normalize the idea that taking care of your mind is just as important as taking care of your body.
Here are a few steps to help guide the conversation. These aren’t strict rules, but gentle suggestions to support you as you open up.
1. Get Clear On Why You are Sharing
Before you start the conversation, take a moment to reflect on what you want from it. Are you looking for:
Support and encouragement?
Space to talk about how you’re feeling?
Help with logistics (like scheduling or finances)?
Simply to keep your partner in the loop?
Being clear on your intentions can help guide the tone and depth of the conversation. You don’t owe your partner a detailed explanation of everything you’ll be working on, but it can help to offer context if you feel comfortable.
2. Choose a Calm, Low-Pressure Time
This kind of conversation is best had when both of you are in a good headspace. Being in a state of rushing, arguing, or being distracted can start the conversation off at a disadvantage. Look for a moment that feels safe and unrushed. This could be during a quiet evening at home, on a weekend walk, in the car without screens or distractions, etc. You don’t need to schedule a dramatic “we need to talk” moment. A simple, gentle conversation can go a long way.
3. Reassure, Don’t Over Explain
One common fear is that your partner will assume therapy means something is wrong with you or the relationship. You can gently reassure them that this decision is about you, and not about blaming or avoiding them.
Some possible suggestions to frame it:
This isn’t about fixing anything or anyone, it’s just something I want to try for my own growth.”
“I’ve been feeling a little stuck and want to better understand what’s going on beneath the surface.”
“This isn’t about you doing something wrong. It’s something I’ve wanted to explore for myself.”
While you don’t have to justify going to therapy, offering a little reassurance can help keep your partner from jumping to conclusions, and keeping them in the loop.
4. Decide What You Want to Share (And What You Don’t)
It’s okay to have boundaries around your therapy. You get to decide how much (or how little) you want to disclose about what you talk about in sessions.
That said, being honest about your needs can create a foundation of understanding. You might say:
“I may need a little extra time for myself on the days I go.”
“There might be things I want to talk through with you afterward, or things I need to sit with first.”
“I’m not totally sure what this will bring up for me, but I’m hoping it’ll help me feel more grounded and self-aware.”
Take the time to think about what you feel comfortable sharing with your partner, and what you don’t feel ready to share about your mental health journey. Sharing from a place of vulnerability, not defensiveness, helps your partner feel included without putting pressure on you to reveal more than you want.
5. Let Them Know How They Can Support You
If you’d like your partner to be part of your therapy journey, try to be specific about the kind of support you need. Everyone shows care in different ways. Some people instinctively try to solve problems, while others are better at offering quiet encouragement or simply being present.
You might let them know that emotional support matters to you, like checking in after your sessions or offering a listening ear when you want to share. Or maybe you need practical support, like keeping that time blocked off on the calendar so it remains a priority. It’s also okay to ask for privacy. Letting them know that you might not always feel like talking about what comes up in therapy, and that you’d appreciate their respect for that space.
Therapy is ultimately for you, but giving your partner a glimpse into how they can walk alongside you, without leading or pressuring can help strengthen your connection along the way.
6. Be Prepared For a Range of Responses
Everyone processes things differently. Even the most supportive partner might feel caught off guard or unsure of how to respond. This can be especially true if therapy wasn’t something modeled or talked about in their family or culture. If your partner seems quiet you could check in on how they are feeling hearing this information, or if there is anything they are worrying or unsure about. If your partner’s reaction seems uncomfortable or reactive you can gently remind them that this doesn’t mean anything is wrong between you too, or reiterate that you just want to be honest with them about something that is important to you. Let the conversation unfold naturally, and you don’t have to have all the answers.
7. Therapy Can be a Gift to Your Relationship Too
When one partner starts therapy, it often brings positive ripple effects to the relationship. Therapy can result in better communication, more emotional regulation, deeper self-awareness, etc. Your growth is never selfish. By taking care of your mental and emotional health, you are building a stronger foundation for your partnership, too.
And if it brings up things you do want to work on together, couples therapy is always an option down the road. But for now, trust that your decision to start this journey is enough.
What If You’re Struggling With a Serious Mental Health Concern?
If you’re seeking therapy because of a more serious mental health concern like depression, anxiety, trauma, or something that’s beginning to interfere with your daily life, you might feel even more pressure or fear around sharing it with your partner. Maybe you’re worried they’ll feel responsible, overwhelmed, or unsure of how to help. That’s understandable.
What’s important to remember is this:
You don’t owe your partner full disclosure to justify getting help. You get to decide how much you want to share, and when.
The level of detail you choose to offer can depend on a few things:
How serious or long-term the relationship is
How emotionally safe and supportive the relationship feels
What you feel comfortable sharing right now
If you're in the early stages of dating, you might say something simple like:
“I’ve been going through a tough time emotionally, and I’ve decided to start therapy to help take care of myself. I’m not ready to share all the details, but I wanted you to know.”
If you’re in a longer-term relationship or feel safe being more open, you might say:
“I’ve been struggling with anxiety lately, and it’s been hard to manage on my own. Therapy feels like the right next step for me, and I wanted to be honest with you about it.”
You are never obligated to explain everything, only what feels safe and supportive to share. Therapy is for you, and it’s okay if that includes some boundaries around what you talk about with others. No matter what you’re navigating, the most important part is that you’re seeking help. That’s something to be proud of and not something to hide.
If You’re Partner Isn’t Understanding…
If your partner responds with judgment, avoidance, or negativity, try to stay grounded in your truth. You can’t control their response, but you can choose to continue prioritizing your health.
You might say:
“It sounds like you have some strong feelings about this. I’m open to talking more, but I’m still going to move forward.”
“I understand this might be new or uncomfortable for you. But this is something I need to do for myself.”
“You don’t have to get it fully, but I do need you to respect it.”
Sometimes it takes time for someone to come around. But your commitment to healing is valid, even if it’s misunderstood at first.
Therapy In Raleigh, NC
Telling your partner you’re starting therapy can feel like a leap, but it’s also a moment of clarity, courage, and self-respect. You’re choosing growth. You’re choosing awareness. And you’re letting someone you love in on that decision, which takes real strength. There’s no perfect script, but if you speak with honesty, openness, and care, chances are your partner will appreciate being part of your journey. And even if the conversation feels a little awkward at first, it’s a powerful sign that you’re showing up for yourself and for your relationship in a new and empowered way.
At Your Journey Through, we believe therapy is not just for moments of crisis, but for cultivating a deeper understanding of yourself, your relationships, and your emotional wellbeing. Whether you’re seeking support for anxiety, burnout, relationship stress, or simply want space to grow, we’re here to walk with you, one step at a time.
